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Import Delicious Foods
Good food and proper grammar do not mix
"EW-wee! This tastes so good it makes you want jump up and slap me 'mom!" Exclaimed my mother last Saturday night.
Let me explain … This is a phrase that has become synonymous with decadent delicious "through my family, with its multi-generational Southern roots. I heard many times growing up I never thought to question its origins or deeper meaning. It was always something intensely itself. When the Kitchen Table said to Susie's mother, who was almost always followed by unzipping his pants and a nap in the swing of Front Porch rusty.
While I have never tried to include this phrase actually on my daily vernacular, no stranger to my ears ring despite my education with vanilla flavor in the Midwest. The Using "I" instead of the grammatically correct "want" and abbreviated "his" so eloquently "I" has always seemed beyond the case for me when used within the confines of the walls of my family safe. And despite the point of exclamation summa cum laude after my undergraduate and graduate students. Even despite being the youngest son of two highly accomplished educators, as has also been known to suddenly feel the need to tap their mothers after biting into a special rack of ribs cooked oh-so-right of the baby.
If these walls could talk they remind me that this critical jargon decidedly sophisticated culinary reference could be confused with very little PC elder abuse or domestic violence – both serious – but not considered relevant peach pie my aunt Charlotte. To those who might question the appropriateness of wanting to lash out physically against their mother as a result of feeling overwhelmingly satisfied around the middle, I'll try to explain it to you so you too can benefit from the recommendations of my rich clan.
Part of the condition register fledged woman in my family is the establishment of a dish. Restrictions on this dish are few but constant. First, it must prove clearly superior when prepared following hands because it is, after all, his plate. Secondly, you should be able to repeat the recipe without a recipe book, notes or consultations outside of any kind. Be able to replace a key creative way out of ingredients shares something in his hand, negating the need for an unplanned performance gains brownie Wal-Mart points in this area. And finally, the preparation of his masterpiece must defy all conventional wisdom regarding fat, added sugar and calories.
The matriarchs of my family all have something to boast, something that makes their husbands, cousins, grandchildren and want to jump and slap their moms. My paternal grandmother chocolate cakes you sell to their true religion. It was not the pretty, pastel-colored French silk brown you see on the Square Baker. Nope. These cakes were ugly and unbalanced and made us feel as if we had special superhero powers that all Susie could not claim as a relative ever would have the honor to behold. For these cakes, my dad and my uncle Lonnie Gerald her slap. My sister, on the other hand, went for a special touch in a side dish conventional … sweet potato casserole. Uh-huh, I know I've had before, but you have not had yours before. That's the whole point. This sweet potato casserole is in it, but also full of other things … secret things. It's the secret things that make the family in search of autographs after Thanksgiving dinner. The secret of the fact my brother wants to slap our beloved mother.
If you eat delicious food does not give a high that surpasses any controlled substance, this history can be beyond their reach. If you're still here with me, I'll give you another example. Grandmommy (yes, I know I'm great now, but yet his name) grains of garlic cheese. Many of my friends from Illinois to race are not familiar with grits. I have no time now to go into details, but I like it because they are grain soft, sandy … well … at the same time. Anyway, my grandmother makes it with garlic (sleep alone that night) and tons of cheese and I do not know what else. But whenever you have them, I try to make room in the stomach to the other things on my plate, and somehow never get past the creamy yellow-orange things because it is just that good. Although I never told her before, I will seize this moment of literary anonymity to free, to break the chains of oppression verbal … GRANDMOMMY! YOUR CHEESE GARLIC GRITS are so good that makes me want to SLAP MY MAMA! No, I said. Are you satisfied?
Last month, I decided to become a real woman. I wanted do something that would make my whole family are arrested for assault and battery. Once my disaster late night practice into something presentable considering before the council most of the family (ie, anyone 60 years and known as "the way things are), I got up enough nerve to serve discreetly a family reunion. As styrofoam plates with separate compartments almost fainted and was filled with the first round provisions, which sat waiting with anxious to see if my oven with succulent cylindrical Dairy Pasta Marinade (ie, Macaroni & Cheese – work with me here, please) passed the test # 1:
Do they look too good for people to put a full portion at the plate – not a bit of "let-me-be-polite-and it carries a small spoon-like-not-to-hurt-feelings–of-the-person-to-cooked-it-now-you-could-be-standing-behind-me-online-view -to-see-if-I 'm-going-to-have-any "Type of serving? Uncle Rick took some that is a good sign because it is demanding, but not a great sign, because it is a vegetarian option, and has therefore limited between a buffet of soul food. But even so, I'll go with him. In the following test:
Do early adopters (children you have to set their starters) return for a second before all the adults finished fixing their plates for the first time? Alyssa was pulling the leg trying to get his father to attend to their whims age-3. What's that saying? I can not hear because my nephew is failing Wheelchair Hot Wheels of neighbors. Ahhh … yes. She wants a little more yellow things next to the sausages. Bingo! And last but not least …
Is there someone, and I mean anyone at the table of the adult who will say … including suggestions for … It happens maybe in a low voice … Nissy said he knew almost as good as Aunt Charlotte. My dad and my niece Jasmine ate all together, and Henderson Pope soaked their corn bread with some (possible – I saw it.)
Unfortunately, nobody said the words to help me make the pilgrimage of a young naive woman lit. So my inner voice optimistic question, "Should I work for the improvement of macaroni for the next event, which clearly passed the first two trials of paramount importance, or should I dismiss this traditional dish and move on? "I chose the second option, so I have to go now – my Sweet Potato Pecan Pie test batch is almost done.
About the Author
Amber O’Neal is a fitness & nutrition expert and owner of Cafe Physique. Her business specializes in nutrition & wellness coaching, personal training, and yoga/pilates training. Cafe Physique is headquartered in Atlanta and offers coaching services nationally via phone and email. Visit www.CafePhysique.com for more information.
